I have two female friends who went through a break up recently. Whether it was a 3-week or a 3-year kind of relationship, it’s always painful. A hole caves in with the emptiness we feel as days go by thinking that a special person is growing distant from us, physically and emotionally.
We feel empty for pouring our efforts and love to that person as we begin to doubt ourselves for not being enough for them all this time. Sadly, we weren’t the right person for them even if we’ve always hoped that our love can last forever. What’s more painful is that we lose our confidence to pick ourselves up, to start with nothing again, to figure out what we are going to do next, to cope with our uncertain future thinking if we’re ever going to feel that kind of love again. Ouch! I know right?!
Been there, done that. Those sentences spring from a well inside me that was once filled with anger, sadness, and hurt. But look at me now! I think I turned out well. I’m currently writing this while drinking coffee, people-watching happy couples, and listening to music. I now enjoy being alone. Not in a lonely way. More of being in a comfortable and solitude space.
So how did I get in this “imaginary” happy place? Well, it all starts with a decision.
It’s ok to spend time sulking and taking in all the pain after being heartbroken. That’s one of the best things you can do for yourself. To accept that it’s over. You can’t do anything about it. You’ve been defeated. He only used you because he was lonely, in need of money or body. Whatever. You’re ugly now. You might as well start adopting 10 cats and hide yourself in a cottage out in the woods and no one would really care if you live there for another 50 years. Super kidding. That’s just what came across my mind during those broken times.
Step 1: DECIDE ONCE AND FOR ALL.
Decide that when you wake up tomorrow, you are going to make positive changes for yourself. From now on, you are going to love yourself, because if no one loves you…at least you love yourself. And don’t forget that God loves you too, which I’ll talk about in step 3.
Meanwhile, here are positive changes to show yourself and others that you’ve decided to move on:
- Get a haircut: the easiest and fastest way of telling yourself that I’m new new
- Get a body scrub: literally remove all that filth of negativity
- Change your Spotify playlist to cardio and workout songs to keep you energised. Start exercising while you’re on it too. Endorphins are the best!
- Delete him or anything related to him: his online presence. It’s not called hate. It’s called defence mechanism.
- Change your wardrobe: throw away or donate clothes that remind you of him. Start wearing clothes that makes you feel vavavoom!
- Your location: drastic and unnecessary, only if you can. Because it will only remind you of places you’ve been together. You can also overwrite those places and go there by yourself or with crazy friends to bury those memories and start making new ones for yourself.
Decide that you want everything FRESH AND NEW!
Step 2: REVIVE YOUR CONNECTIONS WITH YOUR FAMILY AND TRUE FRIENDS
You don’t have to force yourself to spill-out and cry on their shoulders like in the movies. Babe, there shouldn’t be any tears left to cry because you should have already done that even before deciding to move on. What you have now is a chance to spend quality time with the people that loves you, who have always been there for you even before you had the relationship. And don’t even think about getting into another relationship to feel that “connection.” It’s not time to date yet! Just start enjoying and appreciating the people that you have now. Lucky if you happen to bump into a new hot, perfect, unreal guy and turn your world 360, change your life instantly and completely in a happily ever after. Whilst that only happens in movies, revive and focus on the people that you have RIGHT NOW.
Step 3: DEEPLY CONNECT WITH GOD AND YOURSELF.
Never forget that God is always there. You will eventually find yourself talking to Him more often and spending time by yourself. All part of healing. In between those times, you’ll start to notice and be more aware of His big and unconditional love for you. Isn’t that great? Something unimaginable and incomparable. Enough for you to have strength and confidence to try to live again.
You should know and keep in mind that you belong to Him. Not to any guy even if that guy was your husband.
Great is your love toward me.
This verse will always remind you that whatever downtrodden situation you are in, it’s all part of God’s bigger plan for you. Because He loves you. And he loves that guy that broke up with you too. But let’s not talk about that jerk for a moment and raise your #girlpower instead.
Step 4: BE GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING.
Part of accepting and moving on is to be grateful that it happened. There is always something good. So I highly suggest you start a gratitude journal by listing (at least) 5 things you are thankful for when you wake up in the morning or before going to sleep at night. Or both!
You can thank God, thank the universe, even thank yourself for going through today by becoming a bit more emotionally stable and stronger than yesterday. If you really have nothing to be thankful about (you ugly witch!) you can at least send me a thank you message for putting efforts in this looong blog post to help you get out of that rut. Because I genuinely wish for your heart to heal even if I don’t know you personally.
Step 5: BELIEVE IN LOVE AGAIN.
Believe that things will get better. Believe that it is what it is. Painful yet satisfying to know that you were given the chance to express your love. You are one brave awesome human for even trying to understand, take care, and put another person’s happiness before you. That’s what love is all about. Something that we all can be proud of.
But also believe that if it didn’t work out, you will still get the kind of love you deserve, from the one that is really meant for you. So always think positively. Be kind to everyone. And fill your glass half full.
Hope this helped you.
And if not, you can always watch stand-up comedies, cute cat videos, whatever you fancy… that is not self-destructive.
Hugs and hi-5’s all the way from Singapore.
With much love,